Despite sustaining sizeable losses in North Carolina and an inconsequentially marginal win in Indiana last night, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is vowing to fight on, extending the campaign for as long as 100 years, if necessary.
Clinton addressed her campaign troops after taking the stick of a Navy A-4 on its final approach to the aircraft carrier "Hubert Humphrey". Clad in a margarine-colored G-pantsuit, Clinton appeared under a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished".
Citing the success of the surge she experienced in the Ohio and Texas primaries, a win in Michigan where her opponents did not appear on the ballot, and a double-digit victory in Pennsylvania (if you round up), Clinton claims that victory is still entirely possible, decrying pundits, party officials, and arithmetic as it is commonly understood in this universe.
Early on, Clinton's staffers had predicted that she would secure the nomination in a campaign that would last "several months, max," and that caucus goers would welcome her with open arms. Instead, she has met resistance in some states in a seemingly unending and increasingly unpopular war campaign that many say has destabilized the region party.
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